Madame's JUMPSTART MY COMEBACK TOUR!
Back in the 1970s and 1980s, my career was in the fast lane! Hollywood Squares, Solid Gold, guests appearances on Merv, Dinah and Johnny, film cameos, and glamorous premieres. If it was a red carpet, I walked it. If it was a ribbon, I cut it. If it was a line, I snorted it. Best of all, aside from the VIP pass to the Studio 54 catacombs, were the live performances. My shows were the chance for me to touch my audience in a more intimate way – usually on a couch, in an alley or a janitor’s closet.
FROM SILK SHEETS TO THE STREETSWell, as we all know, good things come to an end. My career went from the fast lane to the breakdown lane quicker than you can say “Jonas Brothers.” First, my sitcom, Madame’s Place, had fewer viewers than Joanie Loves Chachi. It did help launch the career of Corey Feldman and for that I hope you can see it in your heart to forgive me. Second, the era of the Vegas and Atlantic City nightclub started to falter. All the greats – Liberace, Siegfried & Roy, Peter Allen – pillars of glittering masculinity, all were sidelined. Third, and most painful, I lost my stylist, confidant and drug mule, Wayland Flowers. I went from being on top to being a bottom.
THINGS ARE LOOKING UP!Well, when you hit the bottom, you can only see up, right? Well, unless you are biting a pillow! Anyway, after laying low, subsidizing my fashion habit with small appearances and government checks, I’m itching to hit the road. This is where you come in: I want you to hitch your wagon to my star because we’re going to JUMPSTART MY COMEBACK with an amazing tour! Cher did it. Tina Turner did it. Diana Ross, well, she tries.
KICK ME INTO HIGH GEAR!< You’re probably saying to yourself, “This doll is TOO glamorous! Why does she need MY money?” In order for me to hit the road and come see YOU in person, I need to raise funds to cover the cost for elective surgeries, champagne, gowns, liquor, travel, alcohol, booking agents, hooch, accompanists, booze, publicists, cocktails, writers, fire water, understudies, drugs, musical arrangements, drinks, and more! As my friend Dolly Parton once quipped, “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap.”
GUILT BY ASSOCIATIONDon’t you want to bask in the reflected glory of a true star? By helping produce MADAME’S JUMPSTART MY COMEBACK TOUR, you may find yourself backstage rubbing elbows and other moist body parts with some of my celebrity fans, like…
CINDY CRAWFORDThis supermodel showed me how to work the runway while I gave her a few tips on how to work the streets. Trust me, looks don’t last forever (but herpes does).
Please click on this link There are a bundle of goodies that I am willing to shower on you with your donation. Give generously and I’ll make sure you get what you deserve!
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Before there was Paris, Lindsay or Britney, there was Madame!