Madame's Back

In this age of Kardashians and other pop-up Pseudo-Celebrities crawling out of the woodwork, I need YOUR ASSISTANCE to get things off the ground (where I’ve spent a great deal of time as well) via my new CROWD FUNDING CAMPAIGN which will begin at the end of July. Click on the link and check out the different levels, give some cash and get something FABULOUS from my very own…

MADAME’S FUND MY BACK TAXES TOUR! Begins September 3rd
A wise man once said, "Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's." Well, Jesus Christ, I should have taken that goddamn advice! It appears that some of my seemingly-above-board activities have been deemed underhanded by the United States Government. Who knew that hosting a personal sweat shop in your basement with immigrant “slave labor” (their term, not mine) is illegal? These gowns don’t make themselves, people! They call it “human trafficking;” I call it “being resourceful.”

BACK TO THE STREETS
My friends at the IRS have graciously offered to expedite my “rehabilitation” if I can make good on their $75,000 penalty. Since Hollywood Squares on Ice has not come to pass, I’ve decided to pull out my gowns, use my undocumented friends as a stage crew, and go out on THE FUND MY BACK TAXES TOUR! I have a great team that is ready and raring to get me back on the road, but I need your help to make this cross-country comeback a reality. When it comes to rendering unto Uncle Sam the things that are Uncle Sam’s, I may be an idiot, but, when it comes to entertaining audiences, you know I am no dummy!

MAKE MINE AN OLD FASHIONED!
You’re probably saying to yourself, “This doll is TOO glamorous! Why does she need MY money?” I may be cheap, but touring is not! In order for me to hit the road and come see YOU in person, I need to raise funds to cover the cost for gowns, liquor, travel, alcohol, booking agents, hooch, accompanists, booze, publicists, cocktails, writers, fire water, musical arrangements, drinks, and more.

THROW SOME FRESH PAINT ON AN OLD WHORE
I’ve been “fermenting” for quite a while and I will need funds for various elective surgeries and “understudies,” if you catch my meaning! I truly can’t make the comeback of the century with a face that has been collecting dust. For God’s sake, Joan Rivers doesn’t leave the house without getting her face yanked and a fresh coat of spackle! As my friend Dolly Parton once quipped, “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap.”

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Before there was Paris, Lindsay or Britney, there was Madame!